Decisions, decisions...
My decision-making abilities have not always been the most admirable. Actually, as a child, they pretty much didn't exist. Any time I was faced with a choice, I was pretty good at pulling out "Eenie Meenie Miney Mo" or one of my personal favorites, "Bubble Gum, Bubble Gum in a Dish," which literally takes you like five hours to choose which movie to watch or which shirt to wear.
But eventually, you realize that some of life's decisions just can't be hinged on a silly, little rhyme. Sadly, it can't always work that way. Some choices are just bigger than that. Bigger than catching "a tiger by his toe" until he tells you which college to go to or which career to pick.
Well, I'm here to tell you that yes, I make my decisions a little differently now. I put a little more thought into things.
I've been wrestling with a rather big decision for some time now. In order to graduate next spring, I need to complete an internship this summer. I've went back and forth on where I should do it. I've weighed all of the positives and negatives, researched a zillion different possibilities, and spent a whole lot of time in prayer. Yet somehow, my decision didn't seem to be any easier.
You see, here's what I wanted: I wanted God to come in a giant bolt of lightning and write a flaming message in the sky telling me where to go and what to do with my life. I wanted Him to shout down from above in a deep, booming, dramatic voice "Megan, go to "such-and-such!" I wished it could be that easy. That clear. That definite.
But you know, God doesn't work in quite that way. He surely could if He wanted to, but I think He likes the fact that we kind of have to figure things out for ourselves. He gives us all the help we could ever need along the way, but it's in a more subtle and gentle way. It's His still, small voice.
So, I wrestled with my decision some more. I knew where I wanted to go. I wanted to go to Shepherds. That place holds such a special spot in my heart. And I knew that I would really love having the chance to do an internship there. But some things were holding me back. Would I be able to support myself without an income? Would I receive adequate experience for the required college course? Would this internship look good on my resume? Most importantly, does God want me to go somewhere else?
A few Sundays ago, a missionary spoke at our church. I didn't get to hear the message because I was working in the nursery, but my mom heard it. As soon as we got in the car, my mom said, "Megan, you have got to listen to that message." When she heard it, she immediately thought of me and the decision that I was trying to make. So, later that week, I listened to the message online.
(For those who may be interested, click here.) It was really good. The missionary, Graham Foran, talked about faith, what it was and what it wasn't. He brought out many valid and thought-provoking points, but the part of his message that hit me the most was his story of how he was called to the mission field.
Mr. Foran said that he had felt like he was being called to be a missionary in Brazil, but he decided to bathe the idea in prayer. He prayed over and over again that if God wanted him to go to Brazil that He would make it very clear. He prayed this for days, but nothing seemed to be happening on God's end. At one point, Mr. Foran realized something. He realized that this desire to go to Brazil to be a missionary and proclaim the gospel was not a desire that the devil would give him. So, if the desire was not from the devil, it had to be from God. Makes sense, right?
So, instead of praying that God would make it very clear if He wanted him to go to Brazil, Mr. Foran prayed something different. He told God that he was going to go to Brazil, and if God didn't want him there, to stop him.
Mr. Foran knew God had placed that desire in his heart. After hearing his story, it made me realize that God had placed a desire in my heart, too. It makes me think of a verse.
"Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4
A lot of people misuse this verse to seek their own advantage. They think that if they do what God wants them to do, then He will give them whatever they want. Not exactly. This verse just means that if we are aligned with what God deems as good and right, then our desires will be the same as His desires. We end up wanting the same things for ourselves that God wants for us. The desires coincide.
God gave me the desire to go to Shepherds because that's what God wants for me. Our thoughts are the same. Isn't that so cool? Once I realized that, it was very easy to make my decision. I am going to Shepherds this summer. And I am so excited! I know God has something great planned for me, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
I finally made the decision to step out in faith and follow my desire to go to Shepherds. And that decision was so much easier than any game of "Eenie Meenie Miney Moe" that I've ever played.
